Broken Holiness

I feel like I'm on the cusp of some huge changes. There is a lot happening in our family. JB's sabbatical is over and he started back to work yesterday. Annie will be starting preschool and ballet classes next week. I will get more time with Wilson at home to do some preschool activities and just play with him. Charlie is 4 months old and changing fast. Soon he'll be on the move and letting more of his sweet personality show.

For the first time, it feels like we are parents to kids, rather than just babies. Our little people are venturing into the world more and more. It's sad to think that Annie will no longer be home full time. But it's also exciting to see our kids learn and spread their wings.

All of these family developments mean a lot of change for me personally. There are more things to schedule and coordinate. There will be lots of moving pieces to manage. But I also have a desire to  grow physically and spiritually.  I'm ready to start thriving more, instead of feeling like I am just trying to survive. 

God is laying this desire in me. And it's not just about making my life (our lives) more enjoyable. He is calling me to focus on holiness. I'm just beginning to learn what this calling means for me. My personality has always compelled me to seek improvement in every area of my life (I'm a 1 on the Enneagram - more on that later). But this feels like more than a desire for improvement. This feels like a desire for intimacy with God. 

God asks us to be like the Son, Jesus. God in the flesh. He asks us to engage with the Holy Spirit in our day-to-day lives.  He asks us to trust and know that we are created and loved by Him. It's really hard to do this when you feel ensnared by the trappings of the world and by your own sin. 

2 Corinthians 7:1: "... Let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God."

I'm excited about this calling toward holiness because I know it will be a great adventure. I feel like a hungry sponge, ready to soak up every morsel of knowledge and wisdom that God is willing to reveal to me. But I also know that becoming like Christ is a hard road. It involves sacrifice and suffering in the name of Jesus. Everything about this scares me.

In John chapter 16 Jesus is telling his disciples that a time will soon come when He would leave them and return to the Father. He is trying to prepare them for his death and resurrection, and assure them that their grief will ultimately turn to joy. In verse 33 He says, "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

There are so many things about me that are broken. My compulsion is to either fix the brokenness as quickly as possible, or hide it well enough so people can't see it. This is not an authentic life. This is not a path that encourages intimacy with God. It's just exhausting. 

He is beckoning me toward a life of pursuing holiness and I'm ready to go. There is no way to anticipate or control the challenges that lay ahead. I just need to be OK with it, because this call from God is just too sweet to ignore. How can I not respond to His love for me? Here we go.